If Your Not Changing Your Dying...


The only thing constant is Change...
. This is a popular statement that explains how our lives are in continuous motion. One of my goals with starting this blog was to not only challenge myself as a writer, but to only discuss things I feel passionate about. I promise that I will never write anything just to fill space on this blog, trust me that whatever you read will be 100% from the heart.

I will keep this post short because I want to use this as an opportunity to encourage others. Just so you know, my mind goes about 1,000 miles a minute, I am ALWAYS thinking..... Sometimes it's complex thoughts, other times it's small brain farts about random nothings. The constant message of President Barack Obama's 2008 campaign was"Change We Can Believe In." This strategy was largely successful for him because whenever there is a message about someone or something challenging the status quo we tend to listen, whether we agree with it or not is another story.

If there is anyone out there that's not concerned with personal growth just look in the mirror.
More than likely you look considerably different then the person you were 5 or 10 years ago, at least physically. Some people see this aspect of change as negative and fight it tooth and nail, I on the other hand say embrace change with vigor. With the exception of plastic surgery, there is not much we can do to change our physical bodies other than to exercise and eat right. But even with that, the effects of age will continue to show. You can't turn back the hands of time, but what you can do is evolve as a person. Try to look for any and all opportunities to grow and learn new things. I have grown so much in the last 7 years and I thank my wife Amber for that. Before I met her I had a very insular perception of the world. It was all about "Chigozie"I had my views and refused to see it any other way, I was a typical caveman. Thankfully I,m a lot more well rounded because I made the decision to be different than the examples I had in my life. We may not all have a "significant other" to push us to open our minds, but there is someone in our circle of influence whose probably operating on another wavelength. You may see these people as "weird" but they have simply made the decision to be comfortable in their skin, which is commendable. It may be that co-worker at the office who loves talking about their Star Wars collection, or someone at your church who volunteers at the animal shelter on weekends.

The key thing to remember is that we all have experiences that we can share with the goal of enriching and adding to others lives. Try to have a "Servant" mentality when it comes to learning new things. If you are talking more than listening, you are learning nothing. If you are listening more than talking you are learning everything. In elementary and middle school I used to be heavy into Greek Mythology. Without missing a beat I could tell you about all the Gods and Goddesses on Mount Olympus as well as their special powers. Mind you I was the only black person that I knew who was like that. I would geek whenever Lou Ferrigno would be on TV as "Hercules". As I grew older I allowed society to dictate my rate of growth and suppress my individuality. What was cool to me was not acceptable to the popular kids in school so the pressure to conform took over.

2009 is almost over and what do you have to show for it? Most of the time when we make a dumb decision we say things like"Its a learning experience" to make ourselves feel better about it. 9 times out of 10 we will make the same mistake again and again. It's time to learn and grow before making the mistake. Become a "slave of learning" and use a few minutes today to get to know a complete stranger. It doesn't have to be a long conversation, it can happen while in the line at the grocery. Those few minutes chit chatting could give you the answer to a problem you were dealing with for years or help the other person find their answer.
Self-Improvement is the goal, try to learn something new every day in your free time, if you're able, go to the library, pick out a book on a subject you have never heard about and read it from start to finish. You will never be a more fulfilled and complete person than when you learn new things. Personally I never feel comfortable when people are talking about something I know nothing about so I'm always reading.

If you too want to grow as a person, the change begins with the man/woman in the mirror....

The Need For More...

The word Gluttony by definition is: "The over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste"

Today many people spend their entire lives in a constant state of accumulation. The majority of any income received every month is spent on the latest outfit, newest cellphone,or nicest car. Why do people do this? Because the media tells us to...

At any given moment, on any given television channel, or internet website, someone is pitching something to somebody. Few people today are able to resist the urge to spend their money on something they probably don't need.

We fall for it the majority of the time because we are an image driven culture. We see excess all around us on shows like "Cribs" and we too want our own little piece of Heaven on Earth. Whether we really need what we're buying is not a factor in our thought process, If we can afford it we get it, If we can't afford it we buy it on credit and that's the problem. If we take into account what caused this Recession in the first place, we will see at it's core, the greed of lending companies that exploited the ignorance of home buyers. They played on our "Need for More" by approving mortgage loans for people who normally would not qualify for it. These people, rather than using the common sense God gave them to wait until they could actually afford a new home said "Yes" instead of asking "How". They wanted "The American Dream" so bad that they didn't care to ask the necessary questions before signing on the dotted line.

Then there is the issue with people already in debt over their heads. Why? because of the need for more. There are people like Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman, that have been telling us for years to "slow down" and "cut back"when it comes to spending, but the reality was that no one was listening. It's funny now how the same people who were living beyond their means are now shouting about spending less, the reality is the money that was flowing like water is gone. In my own life I know people who look and smell like money. They drive the best cars and own the biggest houses but can't explain how they are doing it during these times. These are the types of individuals you should be cautious around. They are more than likely engaged in some form of illegal activity and that is what's financing their habit.

Look at the "Enron's" or "Madoff's" that pop up on the news every few years, people will say "how could this happen" but the truth is, there are thousands more like them walking the streets today. We need to smarten up and get educated on money. You don't have to be a Harvard M.B.A. or have Allen Greenspan on speed dial to do it. There are thousands of resources on the internet and at your local library to keep you in the loop.

Not to sound self serving, but I'm one of those people that doesn't replace anything until it breaks. The laptop I'm typing on now is an older model Dell that I mainly use for writing, and surfing on the go when my wife and I travel. For me it doesn't make sense to buy a brand new computer because this laptop handles anything I throw at it, plus it looks new because I take care of it. We rarely buy new when we shop because a lot of times, used products work just as well. That does not mean however that we never buy brand new, it just has to make sense to us collectively. Believe it or not I have a sweater in my closet today that I still wear from the 5th grade. Mind you my body matured at a faster rate than most kids my age at that time so even though it was a little large back then, it fits perfectly today. It may be the material, but there is not a tear or a thread missing and it looks just as good today as when my parents bought it for me over 16 years ago.

We have to become more self-aware and ask ourselves why it is that we want the latest and greatest stuff when it comes out. For some, they never had a lot growing up so subconsciously this is the time to play catchup. Or it could be an impulse that tells you that in order to seen in a positive light you have to be "fresh to death". I myself have been guilty in the past of living beyond my means to keep up a certain image but after some re-evaluation and several hundred bill collection calls later I learned my lesson. If this current economic environment tell us anything the overall theme is "less is best". If we continue down this path we run the risk of the extinction of our way of life as we know it. Stores and other businesses are closing down at an alarming rate, credit is drying up, and people are suffering right now.

If you are currently employed you should keep discretionary spending to a minimum. I'm not saying you should not enjoy your hard earned money, but just exercise some restraint on that 50 inch plasma television or "Macbook Air" purchase if you are still living with in debt or thinking about getting married. Most experts say you should have about 6-8 months worth or all known expenses saved up in the bank before even thinking about making any kind of large purchases. If you are unemployed don't live life on credit, that is the worst thing you can do right now. There are lots of things you can do to make the most out of your free time. Now is a great opportunity to use this "extended vacation" that you are on as a time to correct those bad habits that put you in a bind in the first place. If you are on any type of government assistance like unemployment insurance consider yourself blessed. Check all your monthly expenses and cut back any way you can, and do not take on any new debt. Let your service providers know your situation, don't allow yourself to be prideful, communication is the key, they understand that we are in a recession and they're willing to work with you through this period but you need to let them what your situation is and a time line on for getting back on your feet.

There is a guy whose blog I read a lot he is "New York Times Best Selling Author" Ramit Sethi he poses the question bluntly, "Would you rather be Sexy or Rich?" I understand what he means, in context he is asking the question, What do you put the most emphasis on? If its looking like you have achieved wealth when you really don't have it, you're setting yourself up for disaster. Use the examples of the millions of people suffering today because of bad financial decisions. The Bible says "Warning comes before destruction" Start right now laying the necessary groundwork and get fiscally educated so you can truly live life on your terms and not be a slave to debt.

The Tragedy of the College Dropout.

Most people have heard of the term... "Give It The Old College Try", when it comes to tackling what seems like an impossible task. When I first heard that term some years ago I wanted to know the premise behind it. Rewind to 2004, Kanye West has his debut album out called "The College Dropout" and it quickly becomes the soundtrack to my life. I was enrolled in school on paper, but college was the farthest thing from my mind. I was involved in all kinds of shenanigans, from working as a bill collector (worst job in the world next to manure shoveling by the way..) to promoting college parties. At the time I didn't know it, but it was all an attempt to avoid taking school seriously. I had convinced myself to keep with it because of family pressure but honestly graduating from college in my mind was impossible. However; the "appearance" of looking like a student was still kinda fun.

The unfortunate thing about my situation is that initially I didn't have the confidence to remove myself from distractions, which led to desperation and trying to "make it happen" in other areas. I like so many people became a victim of what I call the "Lotto Fallacy"which means when people spend more effort on a "1 in a million" chance of winning the lottery rather than putting $20 a week in a 401k which eventually becomes a million dollars.

For most people they tend to fall for the "ookey doke" and engage in frivolous pursuits with the hope of attaining wealth, only to end up back at square one. That not only sheds years off finding your true purpose,which many people discover from college, but that same energy could be used towards grinding it out and doing what needs to be done. Fortunately for me I realized it was all "smoke & mirrors" soon enough to make a change, and get my degree. Now I understand in a certain aspect that college is not for everyone but lets examine that opinion. With the exception of individuals that have serious learning defects, anyone who really wants to can graduate from college, it's all about your motivation. Alot of people are only motivated by how quick they can make money and yet don't see a college degree as a sure fire path to attain wealth. Well I'm here to tell you that nothing in life is sure-fire, but college is one of the most consistent and time tested ways to get there.

There are many people I know who are opposed to a college education for various reasons. Some of the main issues I've heard from them over the years include... "The time I spend in school could be used to pursue my dreams!!!" One definition for Insanity is when the same thing is done over and over again with the hope of a different result each time.
There has to be a perception shift in order to see the benefits of getting your degree, and you should be honest with yourself by asking "Has what I've been doing up to this point reaped anything substantial in my life?" if not it's time to switch things up. A degree has to be seen as an investment in Self and not a waste of time. Nothing worth having comes easily we can try our hardest to fight that fact. We have become a microwave society; where people want and settle for the "image" of accomplishment with little to no effort, It doesn't work for the long term because that's not the way the system is setup, at least not legally!!!

Now I have never subscribed to the belief that a degree is the "end all,be all", because there are a some people with degrees that feel that is all that's required and they tend to have this false sense of entitlement. These misguided individuals actually believe that once they have that piece of paper in their hands the jobs and riches will be theirs for the taking, you are sadly mistaken if you believe this. A degree alone won't get you to the destination but it makes the ride a little more comfortable by increasing your options, you will still have to hustle just not as hard. One of the benefits of a degree in my opinion is that it shows future business partners or prospective employers that you have a credible and certifiable level of drive as well as professional knowledge of the world around you.

Keep in mind that we live in a time where credentials are now more important than ever. For instance; if you want to purchase a house, you must have solid credit history in order to get it, the same premise follows with having your degree. Another comment I hear often that makes me chuckle is..."I know people with degrees that are working crappy jobs or doing something that has nothing to do with what they went to school for." The funny thing about this excuse is when people don't see the long-term benefit of completing a certain goal they will only see what they consider as cons in order to avoid what is required(hard work).
For every 10 people that fit into the category above there are 1,000+ people that are utilizing their degrees and are very successful because of a college education. So again its about your motivation and preparation before and after you graduate.

The bottom line is college is a smart investment period. If you still decide against it you better have a fail-safe backup plan that you revisit constantly. If after 6 months nothing substantial is coming from it, by all means give it up. If you have not started yet get enrolled, If you dropped out get back in, get with a support group or adviser and finish regardless of how long it will take. There is a famous saying that goes like this "How Do You Eat An Elephant?" The answer is, one bite at a time...You have already spent enough of your hard earned money on it so eliminate any fruitless distractions and get your degree. The sense of accomplishment, especially if takes a while is indescribable. I knew when I crossed that stage at Graduation that my problems had not ended, but I was confident in the fact that I was better prepared and equipped for it. Look at it like this, you wouldn't open a checking account, put $20,000-$30,000 in it and walk away would you? Well understand that is what your doing if you start College and don't finish it. Lastly I,m not telling anyone to give up on their dreams, God will give you the strength you need to make your dreams a reality but have to be smart, calculating and above all patient.

The classic Aesop fable "The Tortoise and the Hare" tells us that the race is not won by the fastest person, but says that only the slow and steady will succeed. It may be difficult at first but look at college as an experience and not an impossible obstacle; if you do that not only will you finish the race but you'll enjoy the journey along the way.


Are you a stand in parent?

Think about it for a second I'll wait.... Is there a little boy or girl who may or may not be related to you that you spend a considerable amount of time with? There are thousands of you who may do just that. Congratulations you might be a stand-in parent and not know it. Growing up I have had a lot of good people in my life whom I considered friends. Some of them at some point have had a lot of potential to be great people. The reason I say "had potential" is because they suffered or are suffering currently from a lack of attention. The absence of this has caused them to become emotional wrecks due to a parent of guardian taking a "hands off" approach to raising them. I can only imagine what talents or opportunities lay within them that could have been utilized to better their lives had an actual parent or a "stand-in" parent taken interest in them. Its important to understand that for a lot of children today the perception of a parent is different than the "80's babies" and older. The proverbial "Big Momma's" the ones who kept us in line with their bible scriptures and leather belts :) are dead. We live in a time where parents no longer want to be parents.

The media puts such a focus on holding on to your youth for as long as possible, that parents no longer want the role or responsibility 100% of the time. So what happens at this point? Well in my experience this creates a vacuum of attention. Look at the kids and teenagers today, its as if they are running on auto-pilot and "just good enough" is has become the status quo. Now in case your wondering, I am not a parent yet but my wife and I consider ourselves "Stand-In" parents. We have a couple of "surrogate" kids that we invest in heavily. These are young men and women who we have subconsciously taken under our wings. For the males I am fully committed to them and am always a call or text message away anytime they need insight. Whether its a question about the opposite sex, personal fears, and anything else that they consider important to them.

It is key to always approach your children from a place of relatabilty and not with chastisement or criticism if that you don't agree with everything they say. There is an "old-school" song by Will Smith called "Parents just don't understand" that I related to growing up it explained some of the frustrations that I myself dealt with. It still has some truth in 2009, some parents do carry around as though they were not teenagers at some point in their lives. This disconnect can and normally does cause a communication divide between parent and child. It does not always have to be that way but its up to parents to decide that they want to transparent and honest to their children.

Now there are some cases where the parents may have passed on or it's a single parent household but that is not an excuse to not be fully invested in the children that are under you. There is always something that can be done to keep your kids on the right path. If your a single mother bring your son around positive male role models such as brothers,uncles, and church members. If your a single dad there are girls scouts and many organizations that can show your daughter how to become a respectable lady. My point is that it takes proactive instead of reactive effort, and to those that are doing just that, I commend you. If your not, today is the day to be the positive role model that your child wants and needs to see or else as the bible says "The sins of the Father,will become the sins of the son".